Ironic Brilliance...

What do you do with a drunken sailor? Always a difficult one. Y'see if you put him back on board, he's liable to fall off. If you let him stay in the pub, he'll start a fight. And if you throw him out onto the streets, he'll find a way to cause enough mischief to bring the blue-meanies into the picture - and there's nothing worse for a man of the sea than being banged-up in pokey, miles from the ocean's sweet embrace.

I have always answered the above question with "Spend some time with him, telling stories of the sea." Y'see, sailors are a sentimental, dreamy bunch - a few tales of a life lived on the briney and he'll be snoozing like a baby. Guaranteed.

Recently a similar question faced the British: What do you do with a discredited Blair? They could have sent him to the upper house, the Lords, but that would have been like throwing petrol on a bonfire. They'd have grilled him alive...and that's just the Labour peers! They couldn't keep him in government - he would have been forever like a grinning ghost of times past. And it would have been too awkward when Brown decided to pull the troops out of Iraq. Even more problematic to turn him loose - God alone knows what mischief he'd cause if left to his own devices. So instead they all strapped on their irony-proof breastplates and appointed him as Special Envoy to the Middle East. I'll say that again: Special Envoy to the Middle East! Can you imagine anyone on earth with less credibility among the Arab peoples, aside from the Great Brain in Washington? Making Blair Special Envoy to the Middle East (sorry, I find it hard to stop repeating it) is a bit like asking Freddy Kruger to run a creche: in both instances credibility would be a serious issue, in the case of Blair more so.

The Shame-Proof Vest...

I was reflecting today on how nobody in politics has gravity any more. The cartoon-style drawings presented here seem to me to accurately reflect the public perception of those depicted. It seems that we no longer respect those who presume to represent us. Our expectations of the political classes have reached bargain basement levels. And they rarely disappoint. Don't get me wrong - there was always, of course, misbehaviour in politics. But in the good old days they at least resigned when caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Or down somebody's blouse. Nowadays they cling to power with mortifying desperation. Virtually nothing can penetrate the shame-proof bubble which seems to surround them. Of course, there are very few conviction politicians these days - unless you count an unshakable belief that they somehow deserve high office!